The Honeymoon
by KRDAMD5
Summary: Jane and Jethro marry at last. Except the honeymoon doesn't quite go as planned.


**The Honeymoon**

I don't own them and I don't get paid for taking time for them. But I sure do have fun.

**J&J&J&J&J&J&J&J&J&J&J&J&J**

"Jed!" Granny's voice was high pitched and sounding obviously angry with a tinge of fear mixed in.

"Pa!" Ellie Mae's voice was frightened sounding with a tinge of anger mixed in.

"Granny?" Jed, who was sharpening his ax, hurried into the house and towards the kitchen at back, leaving his ax and grinding wheel in the front drive. "What in the world's the matter?"

"Jed, tell your daughter to git away from that there critter!" Now that Jed had had arrived, Granny was a little less afraid and a lot more angry. "I don't know what that thing is, but I'm fixin' to cook it fer supper."

"You cain't cook Henry!" Eliie Mae was indignant. "Henry ain't done nothing wrong, Pa. Honest. He was just lookin' fer me is all. You cain't let Granny hurt him."

Jed stood stock still in the doorway of the kitchen and took in the scene before him. Granny was near the counter, her biggest butcher knife in hand, ready to do battle with the creature in front of her and her granddaughter too, if necessary.

Ellie was standing next to what could only be described as a giant, rotund, bald pig with some sort of horn sprouting out of his snout. Her arm was protectively draped around its massive neck and she was glaring at Granny.

"Please, Pa?" She turned pleading blue eyes on him, so much like her mother's and Jed knew that no matter what Granny wanted, Henry would not be dinner.

"Ellie Mae, git that thing out of here. Granny put the knife down." Jed sighed.

"You ain't gonna let her cook him?" Ellie asked hopefully.

"No, Granny ain't gonna cook him." Jed answered with a shake of his head. "Now, go on, git. Git him out of here."

"Thank ye, Pa." Ellie grinned as she tugged on the giant animal beside her. "Come on, Henry. Let's go out the cement pond."

Granny turned irritated eyes on Jed and reluctantly laid the butcher knife down. "Jed, we coulda had meat fer nigh on a week with that critter, maybe longer, if Jethro stays gone."

"Yeah, well, maybe." Jed shook his head again. "But its Ellie's pet and she don't want him et. Sides, how could ya cut him up? He's too big to mess with."

Granny sighed. "Yeah, I guess yer right. If Jethro was here, he coulda cut him up though."

Jed nodded with a small smile. "Yeah, but Jethro ain't here."

Granny looked up at him and joined him in the smile only broadening it. "Ya figure him and Miss Hathaway are having fun?"

"It's Mrs. Bodine, now." Jed reminded her and I reckon those two are a having the time of their lives on that fancy trip Mr. Drysdale set up fer em. I reckon they're having all kinds of..." He paused. This was Jethro he was talking about, after all. Looking over at Granny, he saw she was thinking the same thing.

"Jed?" She looked up at him. "Ya think we oughta do something or call some body?"

Jeg plugged his hands into his back pockets for a moment and considered the question before finally shaking his head. "Naw, Granny. They'll be fine. I'm sure, they'll be fine."

Many miles away, in a small cell in Hawaii, Jethro Bodine sat quietly and studied the floor in front of him. How a night with his new bride turned into him getting arrested and throwed inta jail fer assaulting some man he never met afore, he didn't know. But he sure was in a pickle now.

And to top it all off, he was hungry. He hadn't et in nigh onto two hours now. In fact he was on a food run when this whole mess started. They had just settled into their room when Jethro decided he was hungry.

Jane had insisted on room service bringing their meal up, but Jethro wouldn't hear of it. It wasn't that he didn't like the idea of the food being brought to him, but being there with Jane, alone, made him nervous. He hadn't told his new bride this, but he'd never actually been with a woman before… at least not like that.

It wasn't that he didn't want to. Fact was, when he'd finally decided he did want to marry Jane, it was about all he could think about. But… well… when it come right down to it, it was kinda embarrassing. So when the chance came to get out and away for a little bit, he jumped at it, figuring once he'd et and was full, he'd be more relaxed and more willing to…

Jane hadn't wanted him to go and protested loudly at his departure, but Jethro Bodine could be determined when he wanted to, and he really wanted to. So, he took off, letting his nose lead him to the nearest restaurant.

He planned on just getting some vittles to go and then bring them back to the hotel for him and his new bride, but oncest he got into the restaurant the smell was so good, he had to commence to eating before he got more to take back.

Thinking about it now, he realized he probably shoulda gone ahead and went back then, whilst he could still remember his hotel room number because oncest he was full, he got to thinking again about Jane and their wedding night and… and well, he forgot his room number.

Finally, he decided it was 214.

It wasn't.

It was 412.

But he went to room 214 and paused outside the door, shifting the food to one hand. Taking a deep breath, and deciding now was the time to finally claim his bride, Jethro opened the door and entered the quiet and dark hotel suite. It never occurred to him to wonder why the door was open when Jane had told him before he left to take his key, as she would lock the door behind him.

Glancing at the closed door leading to the bedroom, he placed the food down on the coffee table, which seemed like it'd been moved, and headed for the door which concealed his new wife. For several long moments, Jethro stood outside the door gathering the courage he now knew he needed.

Finally, he took a deep breath, firmly grasped the knob and opened the door, quickly stepping inside. He knew sooner or later his clothes would have to come off, but he decided to wait for a few minutes and maybe him and Jane could get easy with each other before he went that far.

The figure in the bed was sleeping, not at all what he expected. For the last couple of days, he practically prayed for Jane to sleep and let him alone. Now when he was ready, she wasn't. Shaking his head with a sigh, Jethro threw back his shoulders and jumped on the figure in the bed.

It wasn't Jane.

And the man who was lying there, didn't take too kindly to Jethro's presence or his attack. Hence, his calling the police and Jethro now sitting glumly in a jail cell, waiting somewhat patiently for someone to come. Upon being booked into the jail, he hadn't been given the opportunity to call anyone. He had asked them to call Jane but he had no idea if they had or not.

They hadn't.

Jane's name had been scribbled down on a piece of paper and left lying on a desk where it was promptly knocked to the floor by the desk sergeant who had more important things on his mind. He didn't find it until he knocked his pencil to the floor and bent over to pick it up. Even then, it took him a while to figure out who it was or what it was there for.

In a luxurious hotel room across town, Jane Hathaway Bodine sat anxiously on the bed waiting for her new husband to come back to her. They had been married for two days now and still had yet to consummate their marriage. Not because Jane hadn't wanted to and certainly not because she hadn't tried, but her new husband was a bit shy.

Actually, Jethro turned out to be more than just a little shy. Jethro was absolutely scared half to death at the thought of being with her alone with or without clothes. When she'd reached over to kiss him, he came close to passing out.  
Looking up with a sigh, Jane shook her head. This was not turning out the way she had envisioned it.

Deciding her only recourse was to get dressed and go looking for her errant new husband; Jane rose and began to dress. She had just reached for her purse when the phone rang. Sure that it was Jethro, Jane quickly crossed to the phone and snatched up the receiver.

It wasn't Jethro.

But it was ABOUT Jethro. Her face draining of color, Jane listened as the man on the other end of the phone explained to her what was going on. "I'll be right there." She told him before he finished speaking. Grabbing her purse, she started for the door but paused at the threshold.

Stepping back over to the phone, she picked it back up. "Operator? Connect me to Los Angeles, please…. Yes…. A Mr. Drysdale."

Later at the jail, a very embarrassed and apologetic Jethro Bodine greeted his wife when he was finally brought out of the cell area and shown to the room where she waited. "Golly, Jane. I'm sorry… I…"

"It's alright, Jethro." Her normally falsetto tone somewhat tempered by gratitude that he was safe and the knowledge that, though he'd been in the wrong room, he had finally been ready to make her his wife completely. That was something she'd been waiting a long time for.

An officer stepped into the room and glanced at the seemingly mismatched pair. "Uh, Jane Bodine?"

"Yes." Jane stepped a little protectively in front of her husband.

"Got some paperwork for you to sign. Don't know who your boss is, but he pulled some mighty big strings. You sign this and you two are free to go."

"Huh?" Jethro looked at the officer and then at Jane.

"Never mind, Jethro." Jane told him as she quickly stepped forward and signed the papers. "Come on, sweetheart, let's go."

Jethro offered no protest and quietly followed Jane from the room and out of the station to the street beyond where she hailed a cab to take them back to the hotel.

"Are you alright?" Jane finally asked as they settled into the seat of the taxi.

Jethro looked down into the eyes of the woman he'd claimed as his wife and for the first real time, he felt the stirrings of a hunger he'd never really understood before. But as he saw the soft look she gave him, he understood it a whole lot better. "I will be, oncest we get back to the hotel." He smiled as he accepted the gift she was offering with her upturned lips.

Two weeks later, Jethro and Jane Bodine, stepped off the airplane in Los Angeles all smiles. It had taken the former old maid secretary some time to train her new husband in how to please her and some time to train herself in how to please him, but the smile on her face when she saw her new in-laws and former boss waiting for them, told everyone she had succeeded.

A year later, Jane lay back in her hospital bed and looked down at the dark haired baby nuzzling her breast and smiled. He was going to be a big boy, just like his father. But she saw some of herself in the cherub as well.

"He sure is a big little rascal, ain't he?" Jethro crowed as he sat beside her and looked down at his son.

"Yes, he is, Jethro." Jane smiled. "Just like his father."

Jethro grinned and then bent over, kissing his wife. "Ya know, oncest we git him home and sleeping some, we might oughta try fer a girl."

Jane laughed and shook her head. "I think I'd like that." She told him sincerely. "I truly do."

The End.


End file.
